Rantings

I need to get some things off my chest and my wife is all full up on listening to me complain about all manner of frustrations that I might have at any given time. So today whilst listening to the Podcast TWIT (If you don't know what it is then forget I mentioned it) I decided that maybe a Blog is the forum for ranting or getting old and just being irritated at just about everything around me. Or just whatever.

ME: That's me over there at the right, best guess, about 39 years ago.
First off let me give you some background. I am a 42 year old office guy. Well as of yesterday I am an office guy. It hasn't always been that way. I used to be a 42 year old factory floor team leader. Things are much different now, but more on that later.
42 years old, as I type it sounds really old. I remember when I was 9 and my mom was 42. I specifically remember thinking that she was probably mere seconds from death at that age. Now I am there. When I see young kids, I just assume I am like them, then I remember, "Oh yeah, I am most certainly NOT like them", after all I am 42 with 43 coming at me like a speeding freight train.
I have a family. I have dogs. Well my wife has dogs. I am not a fan of dogs. That is a topic that I will have to commit an entire rant to explain.
My family consists of a Wife, three girls 19, 11, 4 and one boy 22. The boy (as I call him) and the 19 year old live together in a shat hole of an apt which again is another topic entirely. So now I am stuck at home with 4 girls/women with nary another man in sight. The girls scheme and plot against me as only 4 women can do. They devise plans to make me even more crazy than age by itself can. The little one is the most nuts. She will say things just to make me squint and wrinkle my forehead. She thinks I don't know her game but I am on to her. I ask her how preschool was on any given day and she will reply with something like "Blue!" Then she will giggle and run off and I am stuck standing there trying to figure out whether or not my hearing is going or if in fact she just said "Blue" in response to a "How was preschool today?" question.

The 11 year old is just coming up on the age where no matter what an adult tells her, the reaction will be of supreme annoyance at the stupidity of what was just said. I am sure she will need glasses soon to correct whatever damage rolling your eyes 853,000 times a day will cause. Come to think of it, the wife does that a lot too, although she is better at doing it where I can't see her. The tell tale signs are all the girls laughing for what appears to be no reason.

DOGS:
OK now for the dogs. We have three. Three! Not just one or God forbid two, but three. Dogs are a complete pain in the ass. If there was some market for dog hair I would be in the money let me tell you. Two Golden Retrievers can shed some hair. We don't even allow them into the main part of the house (barricaded by baby gate into the mud room) yet at any one time there will be dog hair just floating around. Dog hair makes me cringe. Some people don't like snakes or spiders or boogers, me I hate dog hair. Actually hate is a little weak, I think I can say with complete confidence that I loathe dog hair. Hey everyone has their quirks. That is one of mine. You would think that having a quirk like that would preclude me from owning dogs but that is where having 4 dog loving women in the house gets you in trouble. They all love dogs. They kiss them on the nose and nuzzle them and all other manner of grossness. I don't get it. Actually I take that back, I DO get it. Here is my two cents. I think that EVERYONE that is nutso crazo about pets is lacking a chunk of their brain that tells them that being affectionate to dogs is weird. Most people like to be affectionate with people, but there are some that like to use that part of their brain to be all kissy kissy with animals. Its almost as if they get their relationship fix from pets and not people. I have told this to my wife and she does agree to some extent. Pets never let you down, they never betray you she says. I disagree actually. I think pets betray people all the time. Dogs are notorious for it. Take this friend of ours. She has a dog that chewed the holy hell out of her dining room set. Heck it just about ate the bottom off of a couple chairs. Isn't that a betrayal? You can bet your sweet arse if my wife came home and I was under the table chewing on her 3000K dollar dining set I would be in hot water that would take years to get out of. If the dog did it, oh sure she would be mad but in just a matter of hours of the dog making the sad face she would be all over him telling him it was ok and giving him the kissy face again. Don't dogs poop on the rug? To me that is one hell of a let down. To a dog lover, not so much.
My brother has a dog that has eaten half of everything in their home. I don't get it, I just don't get the attraction. I always tell our dogs when the wife is not around that they better kneel down on their backward bending doggy knees and pray to god that my wife doesn't die before I do. There most certainly WON'T be any dog kissing done by me AND I will have all their hair lazered off. Bald Golden Retrievers, I may just have something there.

WORK:
OK now for work. Like I said earlier I just got a new job. I have for 19 years and 8 months been a factory guy. Half that time I worked as a mechanic building stuff and half that time I have been in Quality Assurance (or quality control as most people know it). In manufacturing QA is the cush job with the biggest money. They are like the police of manufacturing. A couple years ago I applied for a Team Leader position in QA and got the job. I was happy with it for the first year. After that first year, I was asked to work on a special project that was going to take a year or better. I agreed to do that although it kind of ruined me. Being able to work on your own and determine your own work load, projects etc is a very addicting way to work. For a year, I alone got to decide what projects as it related to the main project that I would work on. I alone decided how much to work and a lot of the time where I would work. That is why I said it ruined me, going back to having to report to someone constantly and dealing with the day to day monotony of putting up with peoples crap seemed unbearable.

Once back to the old TL job I immediately got to work trying to find another job. Luckily the special project gave me a lot of visibility. I had little problem landing a new position. Everyone was telling me my days in manufacturing needed to be over. I needed to cross over to the salaried ranks and start using my mind to earn my keep.

What do I do? Good question, I wish I knew. Before we left for the holidays I talked with my new boss a bit, he informed me that he wouldn't be back to work until tomorrow at the earliest, which meant that I was on my own for a couple days. If I had to put my thumb on it, I would say I am a special projects guy. I am good at getting things done. I guess that is what I have always been good at. Give me a task and I can get it done. If I had to say who I am most like, it would be McGuyver. Remember that show? That guy could get anything done with some chewing gum and a paper clip. I am the McGuyver of stuff. Need some weird thing done. I can figure out how to do it. I suppose that is what my boss will do. He has some bit of data that needs extracting, some team that needs facilitating I am there for him.

One of the biggest changes is that now instead of being on the factory floor I am now up here on the 5th floor where it is quiet and clean. There is the hushed murmurings of people chatting about headcount and deadlines and calculations to determine stress on a part and things that people that sit in clean 5th floor cubicles talk about. Oddly enough I sit one cubicle wall away from my former bosses boss (in a temporary location due to his office being remodeled). Today he is talking with someone and he says my name. He says it with a bit of tone increase for my benefit I am guessing. He is asking when my replacement (for my old TL position) will come. I say out loud "Better get two people". I thought it was pretty funny but I didn't get a chuckle back. I get the feeling there is no fun to be had up here. I am a dog poop on your chair kind of guy. It might be hard for me to go without some hijinks for long periods of time. That is one of my pet peeves, people are WAY to serious. If everyone would lighten the hell up this world would be so much more fun. Just a while ago I got on the elevator with an older guy with his arm in a sling cast type contraption. It was quite the setup. I asked nonchalantly, "Tiger?" while pointing at his arm. He gave me the wrinkled forehead look that I give my daughter when she says weird stuff. Then he replied "Rotator cuff". "Oh" I say. That was that.